Talk To Me

Posted on Fri Feb 24th, 2017 @ 6:04pm by Captain Brady Dering M.D., PhD & Captain Karyn Dallas R.N.
Edited on on Wed Sep 12th, 2018 @ 6:41pm

Mission: My Place In This Universe
Location: Main Campus Building/Dev's Place
Timeline: 2388/08/13 1223 (August 13 2388 1223)

Brady stood outside the main campus building waiting for Karyn. After finding out she was at Phlox Medical, he had asked her to meet him before he would introduce her to Connor. This was more than a meeting of one's boss for her, and much more than meeting another one of his departments heads for Connor. For Karyn would take over for Brady as Connor's new psychiatrist, an adjustment that would not be easy.

Karyn used the ride over to the main building to organize her thoughts. Chief among them was that she was about to see Brady again, and it bothered the counselor that he was so prominent in her thoughts. She was a professional, and the last thing she wanted to worry about was whether Brady's anger was going to affect their working relationship, or what remained.

By the time she approached, she had calmed and had managed to present herself cordially. "So we meet again."

"Hi." Brady said, staring back at her, and for a moment, looked as if he wanted to say more. Instead he inhaled deeply, looking downwards and back before asking, "Any questions before we go inside?"

Karyn saw his discomfort and considered how it felt to get the reaction she was used to getting from clients actually from a colleague. As usual, her instinct told her to reassure him, to acknowledge and ease his pain, but in this case, she wasn't prepared to do what he needed her to do in order to accomplish that. She felt trapped.

"No, unless you have anything more to tell me?"

"No." He shook his head and then remembering his conversation with Deveron Raziel, considered her. "Actually I do..." he nodded, "but it will have to wait until after this meeting," and he gestured a hand towards the door, "Shall we..?"

Karyn nodded, determined not to let the unknown of what he had to tell her scare her. "Of course."

~~~

A while later they walked back out having finished the meeting, and Brady turned to her, "Karyn...will you join me for lunch?"

For the briefest of moments, she hesitated. Would she be sending him mixed signals if she agreed? Would she hurt him more by refusing or at least questioning it? "Yes," she replied. She realized she was reacting to things that hadn't happened. If they did, she'd deal with it then.

"Thank you." he weakly smiled, and they set off towards Dev's Place where they were able to grab Brady's favorite table in the corner after placing an order at the bar.

He smiled up at the waitress as a cup of fresh brewed coffee was placed down in front of him, "Thank you." and then gazed over at Karyn as he took a sip from his cup. "Mmm," he said, lifting his eyebrows as he sat it down, "this is really good."

Taking a sip from her water, Karyn offered with a grin, "I'm glad you're enjoying your coffee. I knew if I had more caffeine, I'd be bouncing off the walls."

"Your addiction to caffeine." Brady chuckled, "I remember..." and then his smile lessened as he took another sip. It had been on his mind all morning, and he needed to get it out. "Karyn...I've made a decision." his eyes went down to his cup as he sat it down, and then back up to her. "I'm changing careers."

She wasn't expecting him to make such an abrupt transition. One moment, they were speaking of beverages, and the next, he was gearing up to make a profound announcement. For a split second, she was worried he was going to speak of their past again, but when the words were finally heard, she was just as floored. "I'm sorry...what?"

He breathed in deeply and regarding her, sat back in his seat. "I think it's for the best." He shifted his gaze as the waitress returned, setting down their plates.

She waited for the waitress to go before shaking her head, leaving her burger untouched. "What kind of change are we talking about?"

"I'll no longer be counseling." he replied quietly, feeling strange as he spoke the words out loud for the first time. "I'll be taking a break from psychiatry."

"Okay," she answered, still clearly confused, "What prompted this break?"

His head tilted downwards, Brady stared at his cup momentarily as he thought about her question. It wasn't easy for him to answer, to explain, but for some reason, no matter how things were between them, their past, he felt he could open up to her. Just like old times.

"I love my job, Karyn." he finally said. "And much to the dismay of my father, I'm at my happiest when I am helping others with their problems. I have the respect of my peers, and the majority of my superiors, and despite all that..." he swallowed hard, "I'm lonely as hell."

Karyn looked down for a moment, the admission too raw, too much like her own feelings. She looked back up just as quickly, her professional mask back in place. "And you think leaving the work you love and are good at will fill the void?"

"I don't know." he replied almost exasperatingly, needing to avert his eyes as he admitted, "I'm feeling... really vulnerable right now." He looked back to her, "A few weeks ago I caught myself...I realized I was falling for a patient."

The words elicited conflicting feelings from Karyn. To steer him away from the topic because of her own discomfort with their history seemed cruel and even unprofessional. She was a counselor for other counselors after all. This was exactly the sort of problem she helped other professionals address. However, she was also reluctant to enter into this sort of discussion lest it lead to other topics previously mentioned. In the end, professionalism won out. "Do you feel comfortable talking here or should we head to my office?"

Picking up his fork, Brady inhaled deeply. "I'm fine right here, Karyn." he said quietly, thinking of her. "After yesterday, I didn't think you would be comfortable with the idea of being alone with me."

Karyn offered a small chuckle. "I'd never feel unsafe around you, Brady. I just wanted to make sure you felt comfortable here, as it's not entirely private. I guess I'm just surprised this has you so rattled you'd leave what you love. Having feelings for a patient isn't uncommon, as I'm sure you know."

"I do," Brady admitted, "but it's..." His brows furrowing together, he sat down his fork, and leaned back in his seat. "It's part of a bigger picture."

Karyn shrugged. "Okay, so tell me. Maybe you should start from the beginning."

Brady stared at her as he thought about the bigger picture and suddenly the ease of opening up to her wasn't so easy. "I don't think that would be a good idea."

Dallas frowned. "Why not?"

"Why...?" Brady stared at her sadly, "Karyn..." and then looked as if he was struggling before deciding to just come right out and say it, "because you are a part of the bigger picture."

Now she was utterly confused and a tad annoyed. "I really don't follow you. You asked me to lunch to talk to me, and now you have very little to say except this bombshell announcement that apparently has something to do with me and your feelings for a patient. I don't know what you need, Brady."

"Okay.." he said, nodding and feeling pretty annoyed himself. He slid out of his seat, and leaned down on the table, his face close to hers, his voice quiet, "I didn't ask you here to counsel me, Karyn. I just thought..." He hung his head, feeling helpless, "What's the use..." and then straightened himself, "forget it."

"No," she answered firmly, frustrated that he would try to intimidate her by getting in her face, knowing she was unable to stand from her hoverchair to face him. "I won't forget it, and now I can't forget it. I'm just trying to understand, Brady. Talk to me, please."

It took Brady a moment or two to respond as he remained standing at the end of the table. "No." he shook his head. "I may be unsure about many things, but in the last two days I have learned I can't talk to you ... and it seems you can't talk to me."

"I am talking to you, Brady," Karyn replied, taking a patient breath. "You were talking to me just now, or at least it seemed like you were going to when you invited me here. What changed in the minutes it took to get a table?"

Brady frowned, "You want to counsel me, and I don't want that from you." then he lied, "As a matter of fact, I don't want anything from you." and struggled, "I should go...Karyn, lunch is on me." then turned and started walking away.

Karyn was too shocked and confused for words, and she could do little except watch him go and wonder what the hell just happened.


***


Captain Karyn Dallas, R.N.
Chief Counselor/Counseling Instructor
Starfleet Academy: Magellan Campus


Lt Commander Brady Dering, M.D.
Zulu Fleet Psychiatrist
Temp assign - Magellan campus