Healing and Heartbreak

Posted on Sat Sep 23rd, 2017 @ 11:35pm by Captain Brady Dering M.D., PhD
Edited on on Wed Sep 12th, 2018 @ 7:27pm

Mission: My Place In This Universe
Location: ZuluBase Sickbay
Timeline: 2388/08/18 1020 (August 18 2388 1020)

After his talk with Connor, informing the Dean of Kelly's situation, Brady had made a stop within the Starbase's Promenade and made a special purchase. He walked into Kelly's room with a cheerful face.

Kelly sat on her bed, a PADD in her hand and music flowed from the speakers as her fingers tapped on the screen making edits and additions to it. She looked up as her door opened and she set the PADD down, the music still flowing in an eerie symphony. "Hey Doc...what's up?" Seeing the cheerful look on his face, she touched the PADD and lowered the volume.

Brady pulled the stool he had sat on earlier to the side of her bed, and sat down. "I have something for you." he said, and handed her a small white paper bag. "Go ahead an open it."he smiled as he gestured a hand towards it.

Accepting the bag, Kelly looked inside before giving a happy little squeak before pulling the chocolate out. Seeing the Admiral Khan on it, she beamed a million terracochraine smile at him. "Thank you!!!"


"You're welcome," Brady chuckled, taking in her excitement, and he continued to smile, "I Spoke to the Dean about your situation, and he said if you continue to respond to treatment for the next six days, you'll be granted clearance to the Academy."

Kelly opened the chocolate carefully and sniffed at it, then broke a piece and tasted it. Her smile got even brighter as she let it melt on her tongue. "This is soooo good, Doc. Six days is all? That isn't bad. You've earned major points from me."

Both of Brady's eyebrows raised, and he teased, "I have..? Well that's a relief." and watching her he said, "Kelly, seeing you so happy is all the reward I need, but I do have to warn you that you'll have to endure regular visits from me while you're here...on a daily basis."

"As long as you bring me chocolate like this," Kelly said as she nibbled another tiny piece of it. "You can visit three times a day and I'll be happy."

"That's good to hear..." he said as he watched her. "Is there anything you would like to talk about? Any questions?"

She thought about that for a moment before turning her deep brown eyes on him. "Is it normal to be angry and scared at the same time while trying to act like everything is okay on the surface?"

"Yes." he nodded, regarding her, "It's very normal...but unless someone with those feelings learn how to manage them, it can also be very self destructive. It's..." Brady paused, needing to inhale deeply. He sat up straighter before continuing, "..important...that when things happen that make us feel that way, that we deal with those feelings, and move on."

"But how when you don't know?" Kelly asked him, her expression showing her youth. "There are some things...there's just no way to deal with them."

"I know there are things that can really feel that way," Brady replied with an understanding expression, "especially when we don't know. But Kelly," his voice softened, "accepting and sharing your feelings, talking to someone like you are talking to me now is the first step on your way to feeling better. Some people think that talking about sad feelings will make them worse, but the opposite is almost always true. It is very helpful to share your worries with someone who will listen, and who cares."

Kelly sighed and looked down, her voice very soft. "The same thing that killed my Mom is now being cured in me. It isn't fair. Neither of us asked for it, but I'm getting the chance that she didn't have. Why?"

He was good at recognizing the warning signs of survivor's guilt, and with Kelly, he was determined to cut it off at it's beginning if that's what was going on here. It was a very personal subject for him. "Kelly, I'm going to answer your question, but first I'm going to tell you something...very personal." He looked downwards for a moment before continuing, "Something that happened to my family when I was close to your age."

Wrapping the candy bar up in the wrapper and being very careful to preserve the Admiral Khan ribbon, Kelly bit her bottom lip while debating if she wanted to know. It was true that she refused to talk to anyone about her Mom, but she liked the Doctor and felt that she should take his words into consideration, especially with his volunteering personal information. Swallowing, she looked up at him. "Yes, Doctor?"

Staring back at her, Brady's brow slightly furrowed. "When I was sixteen my mom and I were in a hovercraft accident. I was critically injured...but my mother didn't survive. In my grief, seeing my dad in pain, and listening to my little brother cry at night for our mom, I started thinking "it should have been me that died." and I thought that my dad would have been better off if I had. I felt guilty, I survived what my mom didn't. I thought I should have prevented the accident somehow, and that I had no right to grieve. You see, Kelly, what was happening to me is a form of psychological trauma resulting from what is called survivor's guilt. "

Kelly listened to him quietly and thought for a long moment. " I can kind of understand what you mean...but I'm having a hard time. I never got a chance to know my Mom to have that kind of guilt. I couldn't have prevented it..."

good.. Brady nodded, "And how does that make you feel?"

"How should I feel?" Kelly looked directly at him, a spark kindling in her eyes. "Angry? Bitter? Depressed? I want to set fire to the universe and use the doctor that didn't save her as the fuel. I want to know why."

That a girl, get it out. "I'm not going to tell you how you should feel, Kelly." he said firmly, "I don't have the right to, nobody does. What I don't want is for you to keep these feelings inside. Express them in some way, put them to some good use, and most of all, talk about them, just like you're doing now. Kelly..." he softened his voice, "the reason why your mother wasn't saved is because the doctors didn't know she had this condition until it was too late. Your mother didn't know, no one knew. Eighteen years ago, we didn't know about this condition, it began with a race that at that time was a new Federation member. They believed the parasite to have been extinct for over a century. They did all that they could, yet somehow it survived. But we know about it now, and because of that we can cure you."

Kelly snorted. "So much for bio-filters and all the other junk. Sure, let's go on the belief that something was wiped out long ago and no worries to anyone! Yeah...how wonderful to let something like that into the Federation. They should have to make reparations to everyone who had to deal with a loss or managed to survive it." Her anger rose as well as her voice the more she talked.

"Well..." Brady gestured out a hand, his expression sympathetic, "I have a suggestion. May I give it?"

"Sure, as long as it involves chocolate and torture," Kelly said. "Or something serious, if you have to."

Brady nodded his head to her PADD, the beautiful sounds of violin still flowing from it. He had read her file, all of it. "Express how you feel through your music."

"I don't think that would be a good idea, Doctor," Kelly said.

His brow furrowed, "And why is that?"

Kelly reached for the PADD and switched to another of her songs. "Listen to it, Doctor Dering, and tell me if it would gain or lose if I put my feelings regarding what we're talking about into it."

Brady listened and then asked, "Have you ever tried writing your own?"

She looked at him as if he had slapped her. "It is my music." Taking a few deep breaths, she calmed herself. "But you couldn't have known that. I compose and play music to express myself."

"No." He looked surprised and impressed, "I didn't know. Your file says you play, it doesn't say you compose..." and then an expression of understanding came over his features, "It's beautiful. And I think what you do with it is very healthy. Is that what you were doing when I walked in?"

"Yes, and thank you," Kelly said. "I've been working on a new one, but the mix is off and it's annoying me."

"How about some inspiration?" he asked. "I understand your not wanting to put how you are feeling right now into your music, but how about using your music right now to help you deal with these feelings."

"To be honest," Kelly started. "I haven't really had much time to work on my music since I first got interested in going to the Academy. It's frustrating...but it's also a personal interest of mine and I have to put my studies first. The way it is, I'm going to be behind and that's not a good way to start."

Brady inhaled deeply and nodded, "You're right, it's not a good way to start, but..." he tilted his downwards, "I am sure Doctor McKinney is working something out to make this work for you. And I promise you, Kelly, I'm going to do everything I can to help."

"Maybe if I could get my violin..." Kelly said softly. "I don't even know where anything is and calling my old solos on PADD by memory isn't doing it."

"I'll find it for you." he smiled encouragingly, "We'll have to see what we can work out here. I'm friends with the CMO."

"You would?" Her eyes went wide with hope and a smile crept across her lips. "I would really appreciate it."

Brady placed his big hand over her small one and gave it a light squeeze, "Consider it done." He then looked at his wrist chrono, "I have a meeting I have to get to." and looked back to her, "So I'll..do that later this afternoon."

"Awww..." Her look went from hopeful to crestfallen in an instant. "Okay, Doc...busy day. I'll see you later?"

"Yes," Brady said, "and you get some rest. I need you to do your part."

" 'kay," Kelly said and picked up her PADD. "Thank you for the chocolate. I promise to send a letter to Starfleet Medical for your promotion."

"You're welcome," he stood up and raised both eyebrows at her, "and thank you." He then smiled, "later." and headed out of the room.


End


Kelly Khan
Cadet
Magellan Campus

&

Lt Commander Brady Dering
Zulu Fleet Psychiatrist
Temp assign - Magellan Campus