Facing Demons part one

Posted on Sat Feb 18th, 2017 @ 6:34pm by Senior Captain Connor McKinney M.D. PhD & Captain Madeline Sanchez
Edited on on Wed Sep 12th, 2018 @ 6:33pm

Mission: My Place In This Universe
Location: Maddie's/Connor's Apartment
Timeline: 2388/08/12 0700 (August 12 2388 0700)

She slid into the shower with him, pushed him against the wall and kissed him. "Connor," she whispered against his lips, "I'm in love with you and it terrifies me." She met his eyes then ducked her head against his chest.

Relief washed over him as warm water poured down over both of them. Breathing heavy, he wrapped his hands into her hair, admitting, "Oralia...I'm terrified too."

Slowly, Connor turned the water off to his shower, and placed one hand on the shower wall as he felt the need to steady himself from the memory. "You can do this." he nearly whispered, "Get it over with." He stepped out, grabbed his towel, and started to dry off as he headed into his bedroom.

He hadn't slept well that night due to a crate that had arrived the afternoon before. Pulling his shirt on, Connor wearily walked out into the livingroom, and suddenly flashed back again as his eyes laid on the crate where it sat in one corner...

He grabbed her arms to pull her to him. "What is it you think you see?" he implored her.

Tears crowded her vision. "That you're leaving. That you were ready to leave without even telling me, weren't you?" Her gaze went to the offending backpack. "Again."

"No Oralia," he said, "you're wrong." His own eyes were filling up, "I was waiting for you...don't.." she twisted to pull away and he pulled her right back, his eyes grabbing hold of hers, "...allow yourself to believe otherwise. I'm not leaving you!"

Running a hand over his mouth, Connor approached the crate, hit the release and prepared himself as it opened. Then the door chime rang. Nerved up and frustrated, he stepped back before walking over to the door and roughly opening it, to find Maddie standing there.

The smile on Maddie's face quickly faded as she took in Connor's expression and she said "Oh...it's a bad time, I'm sorry..." she began to back away, "It was nothing, I just made too much for breakfast is all and wondered if you wanted to share, no biggie...I'll uh get going." The words tumbled out of her mouth and she cursed herself for coming up with the ridiculous idea that their fledgling friendship had reached the stage of dropping by unannounced.

"Maddie wait..", he said, then hesitated as he battled internally, "I..I'll join you...thank you." and closed his door behind him.

"It's not a problem." Maddie replied, "You don't need to feel obliged, I won't be offended I promise." she managed a shaky smile. She didn't want to come across as some sad case and the truth was that she was lonely and Connor seemed to take that feeling away when he was around.

"Really." Connor said quietly, staring at her hard, and it was obvious something was troubling him. "I want to have breakfast with you."

"Okay." Maddie nodded before turning to lead him across the corridor to her quarters. "I hope you're hungry...I made enough to feed an army." she looked at him and said "When I'm troubled I cook...a lot." As the words tumbled out she paled. Had she just admitted to him that all was not well with her? She inwardly groaned and sped away from him to get the food from the kitchen intent on putting it on the table. Appear busy and in charge. That was the way to go and shortly following that thought came 'for goodness sakes think before you talk woman!'

Connor watched her, taking in all the food as she placed it on the table. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Only if you want to talk about whatever's bothering you too." Maddie shot back with a 'Touche' look on her face. The look on Connor's face when he had opened the door had spoken volumes and she knew that she wasn't the only one facing her inner demons. The only difference seemed to be, he brooded about it. She cooked.

Caught off guard, lines formed between Connor's brows. He looked away and shook his head.

Taking his response as a no, Maddie closed her eyes momentarily and said "Well there's plenty to eat so please...feel free to tuck in." She flashed him a 'no hard feelings' smile and pulled a chair out to take a seat.

He took a seat next to her, and tried to focus on the meal. "My mum would cook like this every weekend."

"Well my mum used to tell me that breakfast was the most important meal of the day and that you'd better make it a good one." Maddie smiled, "I kind of took that one to heart." she gestured to the over abundance of food on the table.

His eyes catching hers, Connor forced a smile in return. He looked away and reached for a serving dish of scrambled eggs. "We best bog in." he said quietly, grabbing a bowl of fresh fruit with his free hand.

"Bog. In?" Maddie raised an eyebrow, "Is that another one of your Australian sayings?" she chuckled.

Connor smiled again, this time for real. "It's like tuck in," he glanced over to her and gestured with a hand, "but with more enthusiasm. In our youth my mum would say my brother 'n' I were the kings of bogging in."

"Meaning that you ate the poor woman out of house and home?" Maddie teased as she too relaxed a little.

"Well," he continued to smile and shrugged, reaching for another bowl, "it was more Alex than me...though he wouldn't agree."

"Oh sure." Maddie looked at Connor doubtfully, "I'm sure you ate like a sparrow." she added, grinning at the size of the portion he had dished up for himself.

His grin matching hers, Connor shrugged again and started eating. After several bites, he looked at her nodding and swallowed, before saying, "You're a bonza cook, Maddie."

Maddie chuckled and said "Well it's only breakfast...you should try dinner sometime. I'll knock your socks off." she paused and busied herself with her own plate for a moment before adding awkwardly "That is if you'd like. To have your socks knocked off...I mean dinner..." she swallowed, "Sometime." Inwardly she rolled her eyes. What was it about the man that made her feel sixteen years old again...she was a mature woman and a Starfleet Captain dammit!

Connor stared at her, having taken another bite, and feeling the need, he looked away as he chewed slowly. He then swallowed...a bit hard, ran a napkin down over his mouth and sat back in his seat. "I know what you meant." and breathed in deeply, needing to know, "Do I have anything to do with what's troubling you?"

"I...no!" Maddie replied a little to quickly, "Why would you think that?" she snorted as if it was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard.

The truth was, every time she closed her eyes at night, her dreams were full of him and that kiss that they had shared and the thing that bothered her about that was it shouldn't be happening. She should be brooding about her dear beloved Drago because if she wasn't then it really did mean that she didn't love him as she thought that she had. And if her dreams were filled with images of Connor then what the hell did that mean?

"I don't know." he stared at her, not believing her. "Maybe because of what we talked about that night on the beach. Maybe because you seem toey sometimes when you're around me."

"Toey?" Maddie raised an eyebrow and told herself that she must get an Australian slang dictionary because the man seemed to always have her at a disadvantage during their conversations. And if nothing else, questioning him about that meant that she could avoid saying anything more, at least for a short amount of time.

"Nervous.." Connor answered, almost frustratingly. His anxiety levels continued to rise, and he found himself pulling away from the table and standing. "It's bonz...good it's not me that's troubling you." he said, going along with her denial, working hard to convince himself it was for the best. He looked down at the table with an intense look in his eyes, and pressed his fingers onto it's surface, wanting...needing her to understand, "I...have alot of crap to deal with...'n' right now...I'm not worth it."

"Oh don't worry....I'm just all over the place right now." Maddie set her fork down, "It has nothing do with you." she added brightly, lying through her teeth.

Connor nodded, "okay," his eyes going to hers, he added, "I should be going."

"Why?" Maddie replied, suddenly feeling like she'd done something wrong, "Is my cooking that bad? What happened to bogging in?" she tilted her head to the side to watch him, wishing she could see inside of his mind and work out what he was thinking.

"No." his brows furrowed, he shook his head and said, "Like I said before, you're a great cook." and looking as if he wanted to say more, and finding it difficult.

"But?" Maddie prompted him softly, sensing herself that he wasn't saying what he wanted to say.

A man who normally had no difficulty in that area, Connor struggled. He was drawn to her, he knew, but that didn't mean it was a good thing for either one of them...

"Maddie..." he started, grabbing his chair, pushing both it under the table and himself to admit, "I've been using you this morning."

"Yeah...to get a free breakfast." Maddie replied with an indulgent smile, trying to lighten the mood which clearly fell flat on its face and so she said "I'm sorry...but how can you be using me? All you've done is eat and that was following an invite."

Connor gripped the back of his chair, pushing himself to explain, "That's not all that I did. There's something I need to do that I've been avoiding 'n' I didn't sleep very well last night because of it. I was there." He swallowed and took a deep breath, "I was about to deal with it when you ...showed up."

"I'm sorry." Maddie replied softly, "I didn't realise that I'd interrupted something." she added before watching him for a moment and adding "So you were glad of the interruption then?"

"No." Connor shook his head. While he had grabbed onto the interruption, he hadn't been glad that it happened. "Have you ever..." he started to ask her, needing to stop in order to gather himself, and then after breathing in deeply continued, "avoided closure?"

"I think I can safely say that I'm familiar with that concept." Maddie replied, images of her sister Estelle, the Minotaur and her flight from the Tomahawk all springing to mind let alone the whole agonising issue with Drago. "So what were you going to do that you so desperately wanted to get out of?" she prompted him, her gaze never wavering from his.

"That's just it!", he replied, a bit frustratingly, "I didn't want to get out of it. I want to get it over with!"

"Well then." Maddie stood up, "What are we waiting for?" she gestured to the door and shot him an 'I mean business' look.

Surprised, his eyes went to the door and then back to her. "You're going with me?"

"Yes I am." Maddie nodded simply before striding to the door and without waiting for it to be fully open was out in the corridor and heading for Connor's front door.

He stared after her, "wha..no.." and then walked out quickly following her. "Maddie!"


To Be Continued...