The Way I Woke Up

Posted on Wed Dec 5th, 2018 @ 5:54pm by Senior Captain Connor McKinney M.D. PhD & Captain Madeline Sanchez

Mission: My Place In This Universe
Location: Dean's office
Timeline: 2388/08/21 0900 (August 21 2388 9:00 am)

Seriousness written all over his face, Connor turned from his view of the campus as Maddie entered his office.

"You wanted to see me?" Maddie commented as she walked into the room trying to ignore the little flutters that set up residence inside of her at the sight of him.

"Yeah.", Connor nodded, his eyes briefly going to her as he walked over to sit behind his desk. Whatever it was about, he was clearly bothered by something, and he took in a deep breath, looking around his desk before looking back to her. "It has to do with our lead tactical instructor." he finally said, indicating for her to take a seat in the chair facing the front of his desk.

"Oh?" Maddie raised an eyebrow as she took a seat and crossed her legs, "What about him?"

Feeling anxious, Connor reached for a glass of water. "Some sort of a family emergency. I...had to release him from his responsibilities here the very moment he arrived."

"Have you been in touch with Starfleet to request a replacement?" Maddie asked, "Maybe there's someone suitable on Zulu or something?" she added hopefully.

Connor took a drink of his water and sat it back down. "Yeah." he nodded, his eyes going to her, "I was told to hold on. There's a possibility we could have someone in a few days..." he leaned forward onto his desk and pinched between his eyes. He felt a headache coming on and was not at all in the mood to deal with anything or anyone else. "Maddie, will you tell Teri, that unless it's absolutely necessary, I don't want to be bothered for the next hour?"

"Of course." Maddie replied, eyeing him with concern.

"No." he suddenly said, bringing his hand down. He looked at her, "Please, don't do it."

"Excuse me?" Maddie looked confused, "Don't do what?" she asked, wondering what on Earth he was talking about.

For a moment Connor froze, then rose from his chair knowing he needed to explain. "Don't tell Teri anything." he said, and walked around his desk. "It's not from losing our Tactical lead, I woke up this way."

"Oh!" Maddie chuckled, "Sorry I didn't realise that was what you meant." then she watched him and asked "How exactly is the way that you woke up?"

"Anxious. Nauseous." he answered, walking past her towards the window and again he looked out towards the Campus' tactical training building.

"Can I ask why?" Maddie replied as she walked up behind him.

Connor turned around, and faced her. "Maddie..' his eyes started to search hers, "When it comes to severe OCD, there doesn't need to be a reason." and with her close proximity, the concern in her eyes, he had to say, "or maybe it's because...for the first time in a long time everything is going right in my life."

"And you worry that you'll lose it?" Maddie asked, trying to understand.

"Yes," he nodded, "or I'm going to ruin it." he raised his eyebrows, "It doesn't have to make sense 'n' it usually doesn't, but it feels just as real." Then wanting to put his hands on her, he pulled himself away from her and headed back towards his desk. "I can't talk about this right now, we have work to do."

Maddie nodded before saying "Did you want to get together after work? Perhaps we can talk some more." He was right. They had a busy day ahead of them and discussing personal things just wasn't appropriate right now.

"Not today." he said glancing up to her as he stood behind his desk, "Okay?" and he looked worried.

"Sure." Maddie replied, "Not a problem." she added, not really meaning it at all. The truth was she took the words as a sign that he was starting to back off and it stung. But that was what he wanted and she wasn't going to push things. "Well then, if that'll be all then Sir?" she asked, her volatile emotions bubbling beneath an exterior surface of calm.

His eyes studied her for a moment, before needing to look away. It was already happening; the doubts, the fears, he was ruining things between them. He just couldn't let it happen, not this time. "No," he said, shaking his head as he looked back to her, "not like this."

"Then like what?" Maddie replied, unable to stop the comment from pouring out of her mouth, her latin temperament coming to the fore whether she liked it or not. She knew that she was being unfair but she couldn't hold back.

"Just not like this, Maddie, not at all." he replied firmly, nearly shouted, snatching a datapad from off his desk and handing it to her. He had originally had the goal of them going on an instructor hunt themselves....together, not waiting for the powers-that-be "Please...have a seat."

Maddie frowned, wishing that she knew exactly what he was talking about but took the PADD and sat down regardless then waited silently for him to talk.

Connor sat down and placed his hands over his face. He pulled them away, bringing them together before turning towards his console. He looked stressed, and he looked strained. And still not looking at her, he said, "We can talk about this tonight, Maddie." It seemed to him that they had a lot more to talk about than him having a bad day.

"But you said you didn't want to." Maddie said softly as she forced herself to calm down. She could see from the look on his face that all was not well and she was beginning to wonder if he was going to put an end to whatever it was that they had before it even started.

Connor could hear her confusion in the sound of her voice. "That was when I thought it only concerned me 'n' the start of my day." Another wave of nausea washed over him, and he looked over to her, "But it doesn't just concern me, it concerns you too."

"Connor I..." Maddie began suddenly finding her chair too confining and standing up so that she could pace, "I'm impatient and pushy and I know that this is all going far too quickly for you..." she sighed and turned to face his window, "If this is your way of trying to tell me to back off, I will. But you need to know that I come from a race of people who are passionate and spontaneous and always wanting to seize the day." she smiled a little as she gazed out at the beautiful vista below and added "But I need to understand, I need to know what makes you tick, what scares you, what I do or say wrong that causes you to back off so that I don't keep doing it, so that I don't keep scaring you away." then she sighed and without looking back at him she started for the door and added "I'll see you tonight...we'll talk."

Nodding back, and not saying anything, Connor watched her go. Then was immediately disappointed in himself for allowing her to. Maddie... Oh God... he shook his head and looked up above, wondering for the millionth time if there even was one. How could he allow her to think she'd done anything wrong? Feeling so extremely frustrated, he pounded the desk once with the side of his fist before covering his face with his hands.

END


Captain Madeline Sanchez
XO/Assistant Dean
Magellan Campus

Doctor Connor McKinney
Dean
Magellan Campus