More Than You Know
Posted on Mon Jan 21st, 2019 @ 11:52pm by Senior Captain Connor McKinney M.D. PhD & Captain Madeline Sanchez
Edited on on Mon Jan 21st, 2019 @ 11:53pm
Mission:
The First Step...
Location: Archer Auditorium
Timeline: 2388/08/26 1900 (August 26 2388 7:00pm)
As the auditorium emptied, Maddie turned to Connor and smiled "You did well." she said encouragingly as she took his hand again. The pair were still sitting in their seats to the side of the stage and no-one was near to them anymore giving them the freedom to talk without being overheard.
"Thank you." Connor replied, leaning back into his chair to look over her face intently. Then he looked over at the two opened entryways that lead to where most everyone else had gone, into the large crowded banquet room. And he wasn't sure if he was ready to join in yet. "I should be there." he said, more to himself than to her.
"Are you sure?" Maddie asked, "People would understand if you wanted to leave you know." she added softly as she squeezed his hand for reassurance.
He looked back to her, wishing he could explain how he was feeling. Lifting her hand with his, he thought about how he could. But then there were the intrusive thoughts and irrational feelings he wanted to avoid. Lowering his head, he placed the back of her hand against his forehead. "Most of them don't know." he reminded her instead.
"Then we make a vague announcement...they don't need to know the details." Maddie replied quietly, "I can always stay behind and do the mingling thing." she offered though all she really wanted was to just hug him all night.
Lowering her hand but not letting go of it, and not wanting to, Connor closed his eyes and found himself nodding. "Okay", he said just as quietly back to her, and needing to breathe in deeply again, he decided, "I'm going to the station. I need some answers 'n' I'm not getting any here." Sitting up straight, he ran his hand roughly over his mouth and chin and looked back into her eyes. "I'm not dealing with this well... I know that. I keep... telling myself he's okay, but that just leaves me questioning everything. I can't..." he shook his head, "just go through the motions here, waiting for answers that aren't coming."
"I know." Maddie said softly as she reached out to caress his cheek, "Me and Gem will handle it all here...you go and find your answers." she smiled sadly at him, wishing that there was more that she could do to help.
He closed his eyes for a moment as if he was responding to her, pressing his cheek into her palm. Opening his eyes, he reinforced her hand in his and asked her, "Will I see you later?"
"Come find me if you feel up to it." Maddie replied, "Though I'll understand if you want to be alone." she added, not wanting to crowd him.
Frowning, he looked down at their hands. Unsure and feeling a little confused, he swallowed tensely. "I don't know..." Suddenly leaning forward partly out of his seat, he placed his head against the side of her face, and gathered her dark silky hair up in his hand. "Thank you", he whispered before kissing her on the cheek, and allowing it to linger.
"I love you Connor." Maddie breathed wanting so badly to roll back the clock twenty four hours when the man she loved didn't have an aching heart.
"Maddie..." his eyes looked into hers, "I love you too." He knew he did, but concern on just how much, as he spoke those words, still went through him. "I need to go..." he said, his eyebrows furrowing, and releasing her hand, he stood up from his chair.
"I hope you find the answers you're looking for." she said to him softly. Love him as she might, sometimes he confused the hell out of her. He was so deep, so introspective and sometimes she just felt that she was being locked out.
Connor nodded, and without saying anything more, headed out of there.
Captain Madeline Sanchez
Assistant Dean
Magellan Campus
Doctor Connor McKinney
Dean
Magellan Campus
