If You Could Only Understand
Posted on Thu Jan 24th, 2019 @ 11:07pm by Captain Brady Dering M.D., PhD & Captain Madeline Sanchez
Edited on on Thu Jan 24th, 2019 @ 11:34pm
Mission:
The First Step...
Location: Outside the Banquet Hall
Timeline: 2388/08/26 1920 (August 26 2388 7:20pm)
Leaving the hustle and bustle of the banquet hall behind them, Maddie and Brady exited into the patio area just outside, the evening air cooling off a little as the sun began to sink lower in the horizon.
"So..." Maddie looked at Brady, knowing that he was about to spout some nuggets of wisdom about how she was handling this whole situation with Connor and his missing brother.
Placing his hands on his hips, Brady looked at her with uncertainty, "So...how about we start with, why all the anger?"
Maddie sighed frustratedly and turned to look out over the Academy grounds. "I know it's selfish and that I have no right to feel this way...but I feel like he's pushing me out." she added, hating that she was admitting this.
Brady frowned and replied quietly, "Okay, I think we should go for a walk, and talk about this", not wanting them to risk being overheard.
With a nod, Maddie walked out into the grounds alongside Brady and sighed as she said "I'm being silly...we've only just got together, it's not like I should expect to be part of all this." she looked at Dering and added "I guess I'm just insecure."
Shaking his head, Brady looked away from her. He had told her he felt neither of them was ready for this relationship. He still felt that way. "Even when he's confiding in you, you still feel as if he is holding back?" he asked looking back over at her. "You're going to have to be patient, Maddie." he continued, "This relationship can't be compared to a normal one. If you go there, he will too, and it will only set him back."
"And you think that I don't know that?" Maddie looked at him with frustration, "When he confides in me, it doesn't feel like he's holding back...but this whole business right now?" she reached up and undid the pin holding her dark hair in place and shook it out as if needing to free herself, "It was like a shutter came down and there was no role for me there to share his agony, to be there for him." she tried to explain. Rightly or wrongly, it was how she felt.
"Hey...Maddie..." Brady stopped, causing her to. They faced each other, and he took her hand, "I'm sorry. I know this isn't easy for you."
"No it isn't." Maddie sighed, "I just don't know what I'm supposed to do Brady...do I leave him be? Do I force him to stick around me so he isn't alone? What? What do I do?"
"You let him know you are there for him. Knowing he has a support system is very important..but Maddie, from there, the ball's in his court."
"Okay." Maddie replied, wrapping her arms tightly around her body, "It hurts me so much to see him hurting Brady." she sighed sadly, "I don't think I've ever felt this attached to any man that I've ever had in my life."
Swallowing, Brady had to force his brow from furrowing. He found himself disturbed by her last statement. Something just didn't feel right. "I know," he said, his eyes studying her, "I can see that..." and he paused before tilting his head down and saying firmly, "But Maddie, you need to pull yourself together. I shouldn't have to point out that you're not helping him, or you, by taking your frustration out on others, especially cadets, tonight...of all nights."
"That cadet was a little snot and you know it." Maddie shot back before sighing and rubbing her forehead, "You're right...with Connor gone, I'm in charge here now." she sighed, really not happy about that at least not under the circumstances.
"Hey..." Brady grabbed her hand to draw her eyes back to his, "can you handle this? Can you go back inside and take his place?"
"Of course I can." Maddie replied hotly, "Though I would like to remind you that you were the one who convinced me to come back to all of this. If I had gotten my own way, I'd be stuck out in the back of beyond somewhere on my own." she added, thinking that it probably would have been better for everyone.
Her outburst caused Brady to blink. He wasn't happy, disappointed, and it showed. "You sound as if you regret it."
"I don't regret it...but am I capable of it?" Maddie replied, "I don't know...perhaps my original assessment of my abilities was correct." she sighed and found a nearby tree, then she leaned up against it.
Breathing in deep, Brady followed her. "You've been doing great, Maddie. Don't confuse feeling helpless in regards to Connor's crises with your ability to do your job as assistant dean."
Looking directly at Brady, she said softly "You don't approve do you? Of our relationship I mean."
"I think it's too soon," he replied quietly, staring back at her.
"Why?" Maddie shot back wanting to hear the psychiatrist's explanation and not willing to let him off the hook.
"You're going through some major adjustments, Maddie, and I just don't feel that..." Brady hesitated, feeling his own self-doubts on trying to get her to understand. It was a subject he didn't feel very strong in, considering his own issues. "jumping into a relationship so soon is a good idea. Relationships...require a lot of work, and this one you have placed yourself in with Connor ... requires a lot more work than I think you realize."
"I didn't place myself in it." Maddie shot back, "Do you think that I chose to fall for him?" she looked at Brady incredulously.
Brady lightly returned the expression. "No, I don't," he replied, "But you chose to act on those feelings...and that's what I advised against."
"Yeah well sometimes you can't help the way you feel and you can't resist it." Maddie replied, "We work together Brady...we live on the same corridor. How do I resist when I see him every day? I'm drawn to him. It's like he's a part of me that I never knew existed." she sighed.
"What you do you mean," Brady's eyes narrowed and he slightly shook his head, "a part of you that you never knew existed?"
"He fills a place here Brady." Maddie placed her hand on her heart, "It's a place neither Thomas or Drago ever touched." she swallowed hard, not really expecting Brady to understand if he'd never found that one person before for himself.
Taking in her words, Brady looked down to the ground. He didn't know what she described felt like, but, "I think I understand..." it was something he wanted for himself. "I've probably crossed the line here," he admitted, looking back up to her, "as a counselor, and as a friend. I just hope you understand...my motivation."
"I understand...you care about us." Maddie reached out and gave him a hug, "And it's appreciated...I just..." she sighed, "I just wish that you could give us your blessing."
"I wish I could too", his eyes stayed on her as she pulled away. "You don't have to go back in there." he added, meaning the banquet, "There's enough senior staff there to keep things under control, including myself and the Ambassador."
Maddie shook her head and said "No...I promised Connor I'd take care of this and I will." she placed a hand on his arm and said "Thanks for caring Brady but I'll be fine I promise."
"You're welcome," Brady nodded, and gave her a small smile, "There will be no killing of cadets tonight, is that understood?"
"Aye aye Sir." Maddie mocked saluted him, "I've made it a personal goal of mine not to murder anyone tonight." she smiled at him, relaxing a little.
He could tell, and placed a hand on her upper arm, giving her a light squeeze, "Then let's go back inside." Together, they started walking back towards the banquet hall. "Remember, if you need me later," he said referring to Connor, "I'm only a comm away."
"I'll remember." Maddie smiled at him warmly, "And thanks Brady." she added as they headed back towards the party.
Brady put his arm around her shoulder and squeezed it. "You're welcome." he smiled back.
Captain Madeline Sanchez
Assistant Dean
Magellan Campus
&
Captain Brady Dering
CO of the USS Solace
Former Campus Psychiatrist
Magellan Campus guest
