After The Wedding
Posted on Thu May 9th, 2019 @ 7:59pm by Senior Captain Connor McKinney M.D. PhD & Captain Madeline Sanchez
Mission:
Ready For The Weekend!
Location: Campus Grounds/Maddie's Apartment
Timeline: 2388/08/31 1713 (Sun. Aug. 31 2388 5:13pm)
Maddie lost count of the times she cast a sideways glance at Connor as they left the wedding celebrations. Whilst she'd grown used to his ever changing emotions, he'd been far too quiet for the last couple of hours and she was desperate to know why. He'd said that they'd talk. And here they were alone. But there was no talking. Just silence.
"Connor?" she said tentatively, squeezing the hand that she held as they walked along, "Talk to me..." she said softly, needing more than just silence.
Stressed, he swallowed hard and continued to look around them. "All day...I've been up 'n' down...with my feelings," he'd finally replied, quietly, squeezing her back.
"Weddings can do that to people." Maddie replied, trying to make light of it though she was pretty sure there was something serious about what he had been thinking about all day.
That caused Connor to stop them walking and lead her over to a garden bench just off the walking path he had spotted, where they could sit in some semblance of privacy.
Leaning back with his legs slightly apart, his hands in his lap, he gazed over at her intently as he thought about what it was he'd been feeling he needed to say.
Maddie perched on the edge of the bench, turned to face him as she forced herself to place her hands in her lap and keep them still. She couldn't help the little kernel of dread that set up residence in her stomach as she contemplated the fact that he might be about to tell her that they had to break up.
He moved one hand to place it over hers. "I can see it in your eyes, Maddie...you're worried. Please...please don't be."
"So you're not about to drop a bombshell?" she asked cautiously. He was right, she was worried and had been from the moment he'd said that they needed to talk.
He slightly shook his head, and replied, "No. I mean..." and thought damn... needing to close his eyes for a moment, lowering his head as the conflict continued inside him. "I'm not sure. While I do know I love you..." he continued while closing his fist, "I can't stop questioning it. I'm constantly finding myself doubting my feelings."
"But why?" Maddie asked, "Surely I've managed to convince you that I'm not going anywhere? That I really do love you with all of my heart? That what we have is so very real?" She reached out a hand and lay it over his.
Looking down at their hands, he nodded and feeling extremely nervous, released a breath. "At the wedding, I actually had thoughts of us breaking up," he looked back up to her, "But right now, I don't want that. Can you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"
Maddie frowned. She wasn't sure at all but was willing to take a stab in the dark. She sighed. "You want us to slow down...."
He started to say no, but found himself pulling away and standing up instead. He took a few steps away, running his hand down over his neck and then suddenly turned back to her. The way she was looking at him, her eyes filled with worry, only convinced him of what it was he was feeling they needed to do.
"I thought about it. Maddie, the other day I asked you to move in with me..." he paused, as thoughts on why neither one were making it happen increased his doubts, causing him to look away from her.
With a nod, Maddie said "I understand." then she sighed again, this time with resignation as she rubbed her forehead, "We'll take a few steps back, I'll back off...you're telling me you need space."
Running a hand over the back of his neck again, he shook his head, "I don't know if I need space," and then looked back to her, worry growing in his own eyes. "You have to admit that this, our relationship, has all been happening a bit fast... but..."
"But...?" Maddie prompted him, needing to know exactly how he felt. As quick as it had all been, she knew in her heart of hearts that life with him was what she wanted and it was only now that she was realising that he may not want the same thing.
The frustration in him growing, suddenly fighting back tears, he barely spoke out, "But I don't want to give up." He reached out his hand for hers. "Please, let's go somewhere more private."
Maddie held out her hand and said "Okay...where did you have in mind?"
"I think..." he took a moment to think about it, and for the sake of privacy, decided, "your place would be fine."
"Then let's go." Maddie gave his hand a little tug, hoping that the short journey to her quarters wouldn't cause him to close up again.
It didn't take them long to reach the place that Maddie was already starting to think of as home and after tapping in the entry code, she turned to Connor and smiled. As the door slid open, she gestured him in and said "Mi casa es su casa."
Connor nodded, entering before her, somehow managing to smile at the phrase and how it applied to them. "It's what I want," he said as he continued walking with his hands in his pockets, until he was looking out at the view through the glass doors to her balcony. "But I don't think my moving in here or you moving into my apartment is going to work. I have another idea."
Following him across the room as the door slid closed behind her, Maddie asked "You do?" She stood behind him, her arms itching to slide around his waist so that she could bury her cheek against his back.
"I do," he said, and then turned to find her right there. "This morning at Lake Serene I said I wanted live out there... someday, when I felt ready. You said you would come with me. Well, I feel ready. I want us to do this."
Maddie fought to keep a straight face as her heart leapt at the news. "You want us to build a house out there?" she asked, needing to hear it because she wasn't sure that she had heard correctly.
He nodded, moving in closer to her. "Maddie, I need you," he whispered. And there was almost a desperation in his voice. His eyes started searching hers, "Plan a future with me."
Her heart leapt as he spoke and she nodded, unable to stop the tear of joy that escaped her left eye and trickled down her cheek, "Yes." was all she could manage as she wrapped her arms around him and buried her cheek against his chest.
His arms had gone around her, and he now rested his chin on her head. "I know I don't make it easy, Maddie. I'm so up and down with my feelings. Despite all our talks, I find it amazing you're still here. I'll keep trying to work through the struggle I'm dealing with."
"I wouldn't be much of a girlfriend if I didn't accept you for who you are now would I?" she tightened her arms around him a little more.
He didn't answer her, instead, pulled away only enough to look into her face again. She was so beautiful and passionate, and all he could think of in that moment was how lucky he was. He leaned in, about to kiss her, when his combadge chirped in his jacket pocket. "Not now.." he whispered, his lips about to touch hers.
"Ignore it." Maddie whispered back, desperate to feel the warmth of his lips on her own.
Wanting so much to obey her, he touched his forehead to hers just as his badge went off again, but this time it did more than chirp.
"Maddock to Doctor McKinney," said the familiar voice of the Admiral.
Connor pulled it out of his pocket as he and Maddie drew apart. "McKinney here," he answered it, unable to hide his unhappiness at the interruption completely. "It's my day off, Admiral."
"I realize that, Doctor. It's suppose to be mine too.. But as it's my last official day here, I'm in my office packing instead... And, wrapping up a few things. So, I want to see both you and Captain Sanchez here within the next half hour."
Frowning at what the Admiral had said, Maddie nodded her agreement to Connor, keeping quiet as she wasn't sure if he'd be happy about her revealing her presence to Maddock.
Connor nodded, "Understood, Admiral, McKinney out." He cupped the side of Maddie's face and sighed. "I'm going to change out of this suit first. How about I meet you there?"
Unable to keep the look of disappointment out of her eyes at the way their alone time had been hijacked, Maddie nodded "Sure...I'll see you in five minutes." she kissed him tenderly on the cheek and then turned and headed for the door, wondering what the Admiral had to tell them.
