Please Stay

Posted on Sat Feb 25th, 2017 @ 12:05am by Senior Captain Connor McKinney M.D. PhD & Captain Madeline Sanchez
Edited on on Wed Sep 12th, 2018 @ 6:43pm

Mission: My Place In This Universe
Location: Dean's Office
Timeline: 2388/08/13 1630 (August 13 2388 1630)

It was over an hour before Brady left the Dean's office leaving Maddie alone. The Puerto Rican beauty sat staring into space wanting nothing more than to run back to her quarters and lick her wounds. The session had been gruelling and it irked Maddie that everything that came out of Brady's mouth made sense as well as proved to her that he seemed to know her better than she knew herself. Was she really that transparent? With a deep sigh of sadness, she rested back in the chair and settled her head against the back rest, closing her eyes as she tried to gather herself.

A short time later the old fashion mahogany door to Connor's office opened, he stepped in and stared at her, taking in the stress still etched on her beautiful face before turning back towards the door, the conversation he just had with Brady on his mind as he closed it. She could get through this, Brady said, she had the desire within her, but it would take time, understanding, and patience. Running his hand down over his mouth, Connor held onto on his chin, and stood, looking downwards. He wanted to give her that, but he wasn't sure if he could, or if he would just mess it up, make things worse for her...

Despite having her eyes closed, Maddie knew when the door opened and closed that it would be Connor. Whatever it was between them, she was finding herself becoming increasingly aware of him when he was present. It was something that unnerved her because she knew that ultimately these were feelings and emotions that couldn't and wouldn't go anywhere over the passage of time and she was scared of the pain that the day could potentially bring.

"What did he tell you?" Maddie asked, her eyes slowly opening as she lifted her head to look at Connor.

He turned and met her gaze. "Only what was required of him to tell me." he said quietly, looking like a man with a lot on his mind, "Diagnosis, treatment...prognosis. Maddie..." he hesitated, "are you thinking about leaving?"

"I'd be lying if I said no." Maddie replied, her voice pained, "But Brady tells me that avoidance isn't the answer." she added with a sigh as she leaned forward and rubbed a hand across her forehead.

Connor nodded, and then walked over and sat down next to her. "It's called avoidance coping. It only serves to maintain your fear." He looked over at her, "Maddie, I know first hand, it's...self-destructive."

"That's what he said too." Maddie raised her eyes to look at him, her pain visible in her eyes.

Connor stared back, and with his expression mirroring hers, held out his hand, wanting hers.

Without a thought, Maddie took his hand knowing that out of everyone he understood what it was like to be mentally tortured by your own past.

"I really believe your being here, that this job, is good for you..." he said, looking into her eyes, "...'n' I don't want you to leave for my own selfish reasons."

"And what reasons might those be?" Maddie countered, holding her breath as she waited for the answer.

Connor squeezed her hand and then released it, standing up to rub the back of his neck as he took a few steps before turning back to her. "When I'm not at work, I have a tendency to isolate myself from others." he said, and if he had pockets he would of placed his hands in them. "There are very few people I open up to... 'n' your one of them." and he looked worried, "Maddie, I don't want you to go."

Maddie watched him, her emotions still running hot on the surface as she smiled at him. Friendship. She could handle that. Whatever it was that was starting to fill her mind about him and becoming a little bit of an obsession would have to take a back seat. Friendship was much better. Friendship lasted. Relationships didn't. "I'll stay." she whispered softly before adding "But only for you."

His eyes looked deeply into hers as if he was searching them. "Don't stay just for me...but for you, because you want to be here..." ...as much as I want you here..

Melting into his gaze, Maddie swallowed hard. She did want to be there and he was the reason. As confusing as her feelings were to her, she knew that she would miss him terribly if she ran away and she didn't want to feel that...not again. "Okay." she said in a tiny voice as far removed from the commanding presence of a Starfleet Captain as she could possibly be.

Lines forming between his brows, Connor stared down at her concerned, and feeling it would be what was best for the both of them, "I want you to take the rest of the day off." he said quietly, "Please, get some rest."

"And if I don't want to rest?" Maddie asked immediately wondering why she was being so awkward.

"That's your choice," he said, his hands going to his hips, and he looked downwards inhaling deeply before back up to her, "but you're off work for the day."

"Very well." Maddie replied as she stood up, sensing that she was about to be dismissed, "And I apologise for causing you so much bother." she commented wishing that her emotions weren't such a jumble of confusion right now.

"Maddie..." Connor's heart started pounding, and a knot started forming in his stomach. Knowing what was happening, he needed her to leave, yet it was important that she knew, "I care."

Unable to speak, Maddie simply nodded, her eyes overbright as she managed a shaky smile and began to head for the door.

Watching her, Connor imagined stopping her, pulling her into his arms and holding her tightly to him. Even with his anxiety levels rising, as her hand touched the door knob, his concern for her won over. "Maddie..."

Closing her eyes as she froze in position, her hand still on the door, she whispered "Yes?" She didn't turn for fear of running to him which she knew deep down would never do.

"Will you join me for dinner?"

"You realise that I'd be terrible company right?" Maddie slowly opened her eyes and turned to face him.

Emotion in his eyes, Connor raised his eyebrows and gave a small shrug, "I don't mind."

Maddie sighed as she fought herself in an internal struggle. Her head told her to give it a miss but her heart found herself wanting to spend more time with this man who she found fascinating and more if she would only admit to it. "What time and where?" she asked, raising her eyes to look at him.

"Nineteen hundred hours, my place." he answered.

"Okay." Maddie nodded, cursing herself for her weakness.

"Okay." he nodded back, and swallowing his nerves, watched her leave.


End


Captain Madeline Sanchez
XO/Assistant Dean
Magellan Campus

Doctor Connor McKinney
Dean
Magellan Campus