Revelations part two
Posted on Wed Nov 16th, 2016 @ 11:24pm by Senior Captain Connor McKinney M.D. PhD & Captain Madeline Sanchez
Edited on on Wed Sep 12th, 2018 @ 5:54pm
Mission:
My Place In This Universe
Location: Connor's Apartment
Timeline: 2388/07/26 2252 (July 26 2388 2252)
Previously...
Connor continued to stare at her, feeling more awkward as the seconds ticked by. His brows furrowed as he felt the need to leave...and he didn't believe her. He ran a hand over his mouth as he uncomfortably looked away. "I think it was," he said quietly. "I should go..." as he took a step back and then headed towards the door.
"I...uh..." Maddie began to say but before she could get any more out, he was gone.
Continuing...
Maddie stood silently for a moment, staring at the closed door that had been left in Connor's wake as he had left and blinked a few times. The man had confided something so amazingly private to her for the sake of a good working relationship and she had blatantly brushed her own problems under the carpet. Was that really the way that she wanted her friendship with her new boss to go?
In answer to that, she ran for the door and opened it, rushing across the corridor to Connor's door and banged on it loudly and repeatedly with the flat of her hand.
The door opened and there was Connor staring at her, his face flushed, his look more intense than when he had arrived at her apartment earlier.
"It was a letter from the man I left behind when I ran away from Starfleet." Maddie blurted out as she looked Connor in the eye, "He wanted me to go back to him..." she added softly.
Feeling thrown off by what she said, Connor stared back at her for another moment before stepping aside to invite her in.
Maddie walked by him into the middle of his lounge and turned to face him. "When I gave up my command, I also gave up the man that I thought that I loved." she began to explain, "But the night I left, I realised that I just didn't love him enough to stay so I left without any explanation other than a 'Dear John' letter." she began to pace, "Apparently he tracked me down and that letter on my computer was begging me to go back to him...." she looked at Connor with pained eyes revealing just how much turmoil she was in, "Tonight I really considered it because I'm lonely...lonely and in pain and maybe being with a man who loves me isn't such a bad place to be." she poured it all out to the man she barely knew. She didn't know why. Maybe it was because he had bared his soul to her too by telling her his deepest secret. All she knew was that she trusted him and right now she needed a friend.
His eyes following her, Connor saw the pain and confusion in her eyes with a deep sadness and something else unreadable in his own. Only a minute ago he had been fighting his own battle; bent over the kitchen sink, his hand on the handle of the water spigot as he fought back at the compulsion to turn it on and shove his head under it. The battle continued as he took in her words.
"If you go back to him for that reason," he said, his voice thick with emotion, "You'll be just like her".
Maddie stopped her pacing and frowned as she asked "Just like who?"
Connor closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, looking away before returning, "Oralia." he answered.
Collapsing into a nearby chair, Maddie's frown deepened and she said "I-I don't understand..."
His hand shaking, Connor closed the door and turned to lean against it. He stared at her a little uncertain. Was he really ready to talk about Oralia? "She would...tell me she loved me..." he placed his hand in his pocket, "..'n' she would burl hard to convince herself that she did.." He shifted, angling his head as he struggled to say, "I always knew she was just settling for me..."
"And she was the love of your life." Maddie concluded. Whether that was right or wrong, she didn't know, she just assumed. What she did know was that if that was the case then to know that you were merely the one who would do would hurt like hell.
Is that how Drago felt? And if he didn't yet, would he know it if she went back into his life simply because he would do? In that moment she realised that she would be doing him and herself a disservice if she fled back into his arms. They both deserved better than that. They both deserved to find the person they couldn't live without, the person for whom they lived and breathed...their soulmate. And Connor deserved that too.
He shook his head, "I wanted her to be." and then pulled away from the door, running a hand over his mouth as he admitted to himself and to her, "I'm not being fair...not to her, not to you..." He walked around to the opposite side of the room and stood there.
"You're still hurting." Maddie commented softly, "Fair has nothing to do with it." she added wishing that she could take his pain away. She didn't even know this other woman and yet she hated her already for the way that she had affected him so deeply and painfully.
I brought it on myself, Connor thought before saying quietly, "So are you... 'n' I'm sorry."
"I'll get over it." Maddie managed a sad smile, "Besides it's all my own fault to begin with." she added echoing his thoughts.
He swallowed hard as what she said hit him personally. "You didn't have to come down here 'n' tell me all this..." he paused, looking lost, "I am sorry for putting you in that possie..." he awkwardly gestured out a hand in correcting himself, "..position."
"To be honest, I've appreciated having someone to talk to about it." Maddie replied softly, "It's something I lost when I took the decision to leave the Tomahawk." she added having left her best friend behind too.
"Are you telling me.." he locked eyes with her, and had to push back an overwhelming feeling that rose up inside of him, "you need a friend?"
Maddie nodded, wrapping her arms around herself as she admitted "Like you wouldn't believe." Finding herself unable to look away, she took a step toward him and then stopped. What was she doing? Forcing herself to finally look away, she said "It hasn't been easy these last few months...pretty lonely in fact."
Watching her, Connor studied her and he wondered if she knew what she was doing to him, the affect he now knew she had on him. He nodded, understanding, and then a familiar feeling of inadequacy rose up in him and he had to look away. "What I told you before about the OCD..." he said and breathing in deeply, forced himself to look back to her, "I'm not very good at making friends 'n' I've ruined any intimate relationship I've ever had..."
With a shrug, Maddie said "Perhaps you just haven't met the right kind of people." She smiled and walked over to him, "I'm the kind of person that isn't put off by grumpiness or anger and I like to think that I'm pretty understanding when someone is having issues of their own." She placed a hand on his arm and smiled up at him. "I guess what I'm saying is I'd like to have you as a friend if you'll have me?" Feeling a jolt of what felt like electricity shoot up her arm at the feel of his skin against hers, she jerked her arm away and covered her own feelings with a comment "I'm sorry...I know that people with OCD sometimes don't like to be touched..."
Connor stiffened, grabbed a hold of her hand, and pulled her closer to him as he held it up between them, "I don't mind being touched, but if I did, I wouldn't want you to accommodate that fear."
Feeling as if all the air had been squeezed from her lungs, Maddie found herself painfully aware of how close they now stood as she breathed "Okay..." She felt like she should pull away but she couldn't and so she stayed there, her eyes locking with his.
His brows knitting together, Connor held her gaze, then slowly released her. "I'm sorry." he said quietly with a pained expression, "Did I hurt you?"
"No." Maddie shook her head and smiled, "You didn't hurt me, I-I..." her voice trailed off. What was she supposed to tell him? Was she supposed to admit that she had suddenly had an overwhelming urge to kiss him?
His eyes searched hers, "You...what?", suddenly unsure he should have told her what he did.
"I..." Maddie tried to talk again but just couldn't form any words and so she opted for the only way she knew how to get some points across. Letting out a small groan, she uttered "Dios Mio!" and closed the gap between them, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her lips briefly to his before backing off and mumbling "Thanks for the chat, I should go..."
Connor's eyes had widened in surprise as she kissed him. Desire had spiked in him at the feel of her lips on his. And now, not allowing himself to think about it, he grabbed her arm, pulling her back to him, and kissed her back.
Letting out a soft squeal of surprise, it didn't take long for Maddie to melt into Connor's arms. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she buried her fingers into his hair and kissed him like a drowning woman and damn did the man know how to kiss!
Passionate and wanting, Connor kissed her slowly, pulling her closer before holding on to the sides of her face. That was when the fears and the doubts surged through him, and he suddenly broke the kiss. "I can't." he barely whispered. Both of them breathing hard, he still held her there, unable to explain he wasn't ready.
For a moment, Maddie's thought processes were clouded by the desire that coursed through her but as he pulled away, reality came down on her with a bang. "Oh god...I am soooo sorry." she pulled away from him, "I never, I mean I shouldn't have...I....oh crap..." she turned from him and ran her fingers through her hair and began to pace. What was she doing?! One minute she was contemplating going back to Drago and the next she was ready to jump into bed with the first man she'd been attracted to in ages? Was she really that shallow?
Almost frozen, Connor had stood there and watched her. He turned away, running a hand over his head, walked over to the couch and sat down. He felt ashamed of his actions, that if he wasn't careful he would ruin another life, ruin everything. He leaned forward, burying his face in his hands.
Maddie watched him silently for a moment and finally tried to say something. "Connor...I..." but then she stopped and shook her head. Clearly she had caused enough trouble tonight and so without another word she turned and headed for the door. She needed to get away and think and right now in that room all she could think about was that kiss and the way it had felt to be in his arms.
Captain Madeline Sanchez
XO/Assistant Dean
Magellan Campus
Doctor Connor McKinney
Dean
Magellan Campus
